Mark Twain
travailed the world route and wrote:
Following The Equator.
Jack Kerouac went
on the
road
during the 1960s
and wrote of his adventures.
Charles Kuralt traveled and televised
his adventures for us.
Jake “Err”s
“off the rode”— along a derelict coarse
of the River Styx.
Heed rifts
from familiar territory— into the
“Devil’s Triangle.”
Jake seeks leisure lee
and heal lands without effort,
in deep Deja Voodoo
on M. B.’s ISLE!
This Topical Island
is near the site
of Nelson’s
Boatyard.
M. B. is th’ descendant
of a six foot,
four inch tall
economist.
His calculating ancestor was well known
for statistical research
and scientific planning of wage and
price controls
during World War too.
He did do diligence
research;
and went wading in
a river that has
an average depth of three feet.
And drowned.
M. B. bought
his island
to test conflicting theories of
Political Science heed learned
at Princeton.
He waited til he waded
ashore to proclaim
the founding of Theory—
the Capital City,
also the Capitol.
M. B. drove the first tent stakes
into the ground,
an’ announced:
“Everything is perfect
in Theory! ”
That tent B’came the
first MBC,
where th’
M/R
( M per R )
dined an’ designed,
after ’is highness’
hiatus in Hyanisport.
M. B. met his wife Kareen
while he richocheted between world capitols
representing major industries to promote protective tariffs.
This Island would become the shining beacon
of Idealistic exposition and elucidated tautology
of popular Political Economists.
He asked:
“Why goad a Collage?,
When Yukon goat a Perversity! ”
And sew he elided,
as ’e alluded too
th’ capacity o’ th’
humane mime t’ obstruct
th’ contusion o’ knowledge.
He aimed t’ founder
a school t’ teach
t’ each hoodoo:
a lesson t’em
’at diddled, an’ didn’
lern from history.
M. B.’s ISLE exerted an
instinctual gravitation on the meteoric careers of
Idealists and Intellectualizers,
to fruition in an
inane insular asylum!
Before the befuddlement began,
an entourage of enterprising entomologists
traveled the extra mile to visit the Isle.
They had been itching to enjoy the insectivorous infestation
in the benificent basin of banality.
This repose was a reprieve
from the conniving collegiate life of a canine:
consummation of doggerel.
Exultation of observation, merriment and libations,
entailed wagging tongues, cerebration and lucubration.
This was the slogan of the scholastic sojourners:
Time Flies
like an Arrow→
Fruit Flies like a Banana!
M. B. eagerly watched Eagles approach
and land in the water.
“Their arrival is timely!”
he said.
When they piddled to the beach —
sick and exhausted,
M. B. ambled to examine them.
“Pathetic pathology,” he mumbled to
Emma, his wife:
“These ill eagles
could be a problem!”
He then promulgated prohibition of all heathen,
pernicious, Prevaricators and Statisticians!
M. B. was certain that
Protective Tariffs are as important as Emma Grant:
the first new citizen to swear in his country.
Taxing authority was delegated to the
new Constitutional Government,
by the States.
This provision delighted the States!
They deigned to delegate taxation of imports
and deputed their debts to the constituted
United States Government.
Acquiescence to this elicitation led inexorably to
the Civil war: a debilitating debacle of
“State’s Rites”
versus “the Union.”
The mayor of New York City
understood the danger of another
“tariff
of abomination,”
which could “protect”
his industrious city
to perdition!
Nullification
neutralized the negativism.
Net gain from a
negligible tariff was nutriment for the
Big Apple!
Fernando Wood gave a speech to
encourage Secession
from the union!
The Confederate States adopted a
small, uniform
import tariff
(Art I. Sec. 8).
President lincoln had the courage
to enforce the
Morrill Tariff
for the
benefit
of all States.
He blockaded U.S. seaports
to protect our country from destructive
foreign trade;
and the United States become a
World Economic
Pear.
Similar policies and naval tactics exerted tactful influence
upon Japan before world war too.
M. B. decided to experiment with
a protectionist import tariff on his island.
Abraham Lincoln’s
defense of the
Rock Island Bridge was
his
greatest achievement!
He was as heroic as the ancient general who defended
a bridge against adversary legions.
This bridge
across the Mississippi River, was the
great portal
for settlers of the
“promised Land,”
similar to Moses’ parting of the
Red Sea.
Both men led their people into
the wilderness.
President Lincoln
resurected the finesse of our four fathers
who did the Continental
and foundered this country
by assuaging Untied States
Notes:
Greenbacks.
Carter Glass
tells his story of
“branching out,” to create
a national banking system.
Equilibrium
for All, was the third prong
of the great Trident.
The first
U.S.
Income Tax
harnessed the productive ability of all workers,
similar to the Dred Scott decision.
Both policies were supported by proposed amendments,
and both were later judged unconstitutional until the
16th Amendment
was ratified.
The Smoot Hawley Tariff of 1930
was the reincarnation of the Morrill Tariff.
Protecting the workers of this country
from foreign competition was the goal
of both Republican administrations.
Both administrations planned to finance
internal improvements with the tariff revenue.
Unfortunately, the Civil War and the 1930s depression
interfered with foreign trade and drained the treasury.
Railroad improvements and battle enactments were achieved
after the Morrill Tariff.
Hardly anyone appreciates the impotence of the
Smoot Hawley Tariff, to protect American jobs!
Histrionic lesions taught in
pubic school,
publicize the depression
and purge the Smoot Hawley Tariff.
The Battle Enactments which fallowed the Morrill Tariff,
were consecrated by National Perks
and other internal improvements, constructed by the
Civilian Conversation Corpse.
Feral pogroms such as
R.E.A.,
T.V.A.,
anothers, kept idle hands from mischief,
and the Works Projects Administration
projected this country into World War too.
Herbert Hoover
was a visionary of his century.
He corrected that great injustice
done by Andrew Mellon, the Treasury Secretary
who promoted false prosperity during
the 1920s,
with low-down
maximum Federal Income Tax rates
of twenty per-cent.
Everyone should applaud Presidents Hoover
and Franklin Roosevelt for prepairing this country
to fight WAR II.
Federal Income Tax rate
increases to 87%
on the wealthy,
collected their “fair share”
of taxes!
Smoot Hawley tariff
discouraged them from importing goods
and creating unemployment.
M. B.
chose the diametric apoplectic of
Haiti and the Dominican Republic
to test theories onus island.
Hispaniola is the best mottle
foray diabolic mimetic
and dialectic discourse, because of
Haiti’s posture in the Devil’s Triangle.
One State of M. B.’s Isle
would have 100% taxation of incomes,
protection from imported goods,
and be governed by King Otto,
a solipsistic Philosopher King.
“Theme Otto” of the
“State of mind”
in the worker’s paradise
is:
“Government is run
like a business.”
Sovereign Citizens
of the
“Free-Trade State”
endorsed that competitive theme
with this slogan:
“Always— Lower Prices.”
Smug businessmen and ladies,
like a writhing
pack of maggots,
sharpened their skills for cut-throat,
gladiator competition!
Eager foray quick-buck,
they offered cut-rate “Services,”
to compete with the “State of mind,”
which “is run like a business.”
Smugglers from Haiti’s counterpart of
Neptune’s nether seas,
gained shekels,
as Yankee traders gained sovereigns and shillings
from sacrosanct scepters.
The “State of mind ”
was dismal when free-trade
Sovereigns
gave it “the business,”
and King Otto called it
the “be-trayed State!
”
The clash of slogans and fast
competitive calumny, led to
adoption (or abduction)
of this quote by the
“government-business State”—
“Competition
Is A Sin!”
Sovereign Citizens
told M. B. that
wealthy consumers
are free to
devour workers
like Fritos.
He suggested that
poor people should be deported.
But no one
would admit to poverty.
“Deign your own
Government!,” became the motto of the sovereign citizens.
They ridiculed the other slogan, and chanted:
“Statolatry! ”
Streetcorner elucidators loquaciously expounded:
“Government is . . . the employment
of armed men, policemen, gendarmes,
soldiers, prison guards, and hangmen.
The essential feature of government
is the enforcement of its decrees
by beating, killing, and imprisoning.
Those who are asking for more government . . .
are asking for more compulsion
and less freedom.”
( Human
Action,
P. 719.)
Very few job openings
for Czar,
Führer, Kaiser,
or King
were available on the island; although many
young people
envied Fidel Castro
and coveted
his job.
Business owners occasionally feigned royalty,
and employed relatively inept scion and family.
Sovereign customers feinted
by “window shopping”
to veto incompetent,
indolent performance,
until the sorry owner fainted,
or savored savvy service.
“Equal Opportunity” was implemented by direct action
to nullify these inferior employment decisions,
instead of supplicating to bureaucrats,
who are obsequious to
an amazon maze of maudlin mandates.
Shortly enough,
the tranquility was punctuated by a
l o n g
tedious period•
T. D.’s Boogie Woogie
and Willie Wonka
no longer wowed them
during this bloody boredom.
Islanders were fed up! Tempuras, roes
and mawkish meandering impugned their putative repose.
Appetite for clothes and golf
attracted loan sharks.
Teed off, delinquent, loafing Golfers
denounced foreign dough—
lent
by straggling fee-share men!
Comma-Toes, snarky snorkelers
got pretty ugly and semi-colonic.
They made biting remarks to the boring, logical
stratigriphers,
about geologic contradiction
of Creation.
M. B. observed
the purgatory of privation and enervation in the
protected “State of mind.”
He M-pathized stoically,
as they stultified and fallowed pedestrian lives.
Adventurous “Freeze Taters” adopted
Cole Porter’s
“anything Goes”
as the National Anthem of the “Free-Trade State.”
They invited J. R.
Simplot
to visit
and accept the honor of citizenship.
Picturesque appellation of
frigid spuds
appealed to cool converts from quiescent somnolence.
Apposition of forbidden fruit, potato, and
quince: got down to basics,
and was the height of insouciance!
“Theme Otto”—
of Import Protection
in the worker’s paradise,
provided safer roads than Rhodes or Cuba,
by restricting automobiles and dangerous races.
The “Free-Trade State”
assiduously imported cars, and
Fast women led racy
social circles around Ray’s Track!
Ray was the entrepreneur from North Dakota.
He opined: the notable
“Fife Hundred”— Fife and Drum Corps,
should promote the
“N. D. Fife Hundred”
Nascar Track in North Dakota.
Ray’s Track
was a major attraction for the general public.
Privately, Ray was relieved to desert the
corporal punishment
of the blustery winters and blizzards
in Minot, North Dakota.
A bullish investor from the Chicago Bears,
offered to buy Ray’s Track.
My not selling this business in Minot,
for cold cash, would freeze my assets
and confine me here— to founder.
I can Found another Iconic Track by taciturn tact,
and sail away with proceeds of this salubrious salvation!
For amelioration of dissipation,
a Carnival was
Mentioned.
King Otto ostracized Ray
and his proposed Iconic Track.
The King was assailed by appalled,
angry anarchists; for his assiduous
avoidance of apostasy!
Peons were confounded; and littered the state
with litres of imbibed, illicit intoxicants.
Ray was invited
to immigrate by Emma Grant.
He accepted, became a “Freeze Tater,”
and Ray’s proposed
Iconic Track was assimilated.
Erelong, he was Ecstatically eulogized
by escalating, euphonious encomiums!
Lustrous Ladies, manifested with mascara,
shrieked: “NASCAR!”
Sew, the ladies did stitches in timely fashion;
and entwined themselves in snitches of banter.
They fabricated the HUGE
B-A-N-N-E-R, to dispell banality
from the balmy bazaar of the Racy Carnival.
Hairy James upbraided barbarous barbers
another judgmental Aestheticians
who tried to horn in
on his business.
His trumped them with his effervescent affability
and comprehensive cosmological competence.
He was busy braiding hair for ladies—
to compete for a Pose Trophy
photograph with the winner
of Ray’s race.
Pedestrian citizens
trudged over: tour after tour of peas full
overtures, to trade Organic bounty
and traduce King Otto.
They brought Peas to importune admission
to the Parnassus of paroxysm:
Ray’s Social Circle—
the NASCAR Track!
They crowded into the hinterland arena:
like the peas in the pods
which they brought.
The peasants sold peas
or pawned their toupees
to pay admission
to bask in the rays of glittering excitement!
This spectacle of consummate euphoria
could not be imported.
Their excursions were the import of this prohibition;
which enabled bewitching experiences
of extra-corporeal excitement!
Sojourners imparted their exhilaration,
by animated elucidation, to the
corps of curious and solicitous contemplators
in the “State of mind.”
“Freeze Taters”
had delicious
french fries,
potatoes, vodka, and
little “£s”
to trade (mini- Pound Sterling
banknotes).
The “Potato King:”
J. R. Simplot,
introduced potatoes, and was the honorary
“King” of the
“Freeze Taters.”
He was the simulacrum of King Otto
until, by accretion, he grew a goatee,
and adopted the accoutrements of the Corbin Colonel:
Harlan Sanders.
Quickly enough, well read farmers learned about
Dr. Armand
Hammer and his
transformation
of Maine “lemons”— into
High Octater “Lemonade!”
Thundering competition
betweeen contemporary Barney Oldfields and Fred Marriots
steamed up spectators with high velocity palpitations!
Peons from the “State of mind”
convulsed with effusive animation— innate inhibition of urination
was really eased.
Peons peddled peas—
to piddle on themselves!
The “Cheerful Science?”
The Social Function
of Property.
Man’s Natural Instinct
InDefinition.com
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